I don't mind when my horse
is left at the post.
I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks "Which
way do I go?"
But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse
in the same race...
The NEW 2007 Entertainment Book contains more
savings than ever.
Get yours now!
Let's face it folks we all get tough beats at the track but hopefully
a few of the jokes listed below can make you laugh & relieve some of the
tension. Enjoy & feel free to submit jokes to us @
firstname.lastname@example.org. Only clean jokes will be posted &
jokes with attachments or pictures will not be accepted either.
A man is sitting at his table
quietly reading the Form one morning when his wife comes up behind
him and whacks him in the head with a frying pan.
"What the hell was that for he asks?"
"I found a piece of paper in your pants with the name Marylou on it"
she creams at him.
"Oh that was just the name of a horse I bet on at the track the
other day dear" he replied.
His wife apologizes to him and gets him some ice for his head.
That weekend the man is sitting at the table quietly reading the
Form again when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him in the
head with the frying pan again.
"Damn. What was that for?" he asks.
horse called" she snarled.
The little boy came running into the house
when he got home. "Mommy, daddy took me to the zoo."
"That can't be" she said "there is no zoo within a 100 miles of
"It's true mom, one of the animals even paid him $50!"
I bet on a horse who was so slow his jockey
kept a journal of the trip.
My horse was so late getting home he tip-toed
into the barn.
walked up to the betting window and plopped his money down.
"I want to bet fifty bucks on myself to win the fifth race," said
"I don't believe it!" said the astonished clerk.
"You don't believe what?", said the horse, "That I can talk?"
"No", replied the clerk, "You don't stand a chance of winning the
An obscure trainer breezed into
Kentucky with a six-year-old horse that had never raced before, and
entered him in a race. The horse won easily and paid a whopping
The racing stewards did not like this and questioned the owner.
"Is this horse unsound?" they asked.
"Not a bit," said the owner.
"In that case," asked the stewards, "why have you never raced him
"Sir, we couldn't even catch the critter until he was five years
A group of
3rd, 4th and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went
on a field trip to the local racetrack to learn about thoroughbred
horses and the supporting industry, but mostly to see the horses.
When it was time to take the children to the bathroom it was decided
that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with
The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room
when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could
reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys
with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one
holding onto their "wee wees" to direct the flow away from their
clothes. As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was
unusually well endowed.
Trying not to show that she was staring the teacher said,
"You must be in the 5th grade."
"No, ma'am, " he replied. "I'm the jockey riding Silver Arrow in the
A Preacher wanted to raise money for his
church and, being told there were fortunes in race horses, he
decided to purchase one and enter it in the races. However, at the
local auction, the going price for horses was so steep he ended up
buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might
as well go ahead and enter it in the races, and to his surprise the
donkey came in third.
The next day the racing sheets carried the headlines, "Preacher's
The Preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in
the races again and this time he won! The papers said, "Preacher's
Ass out in Front".
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered
the Preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The newspaper
printed this headline, "Bishop Scratches Preacher's Ass".
This was just too much for the Bishop and he ordered the Preacher to
get rid of the animal. The Preacher decided to give it to a Nun in a
nearby convent. The headlines the next day read, "Nun has the Best
Ass in Town".
The Bishop fainted.
He informed the Nun that she would have to dispose of the donkey and
she finally found a farmer who was willing to buy it for $10.00. The
paper states, "Nun Peddles Ass for Ten Bucks".
They buried the Bishop the next day.
Why did the thoroughbred go behind the trees?
To change his jockeys!
A simple woman decides to try horseback
riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She
mounts the horse and it immediately springs into motion. It gallops
along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip
from the saddle.
In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a
firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but
she slips down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops
along, seemingly impervious to its troubled rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away
from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot
has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the
horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground
over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is
mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune....
Frank, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.
What's the difference between
praying in church & at the track? At the track you really mean it!
attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of
Texas when her car broke down. A local on horseback came along and
offered her a ride to a near by town.
She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride
was uneventful except that every few minutes the guy would let out a
"Whoop" so loud that it would echo from the surrounding hills. When
they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station,
yelled one final "Yahoo" and rode off.
"What did you do to get him so fired up?" asked the service station
"Nothing," shrugged the woman, I merely sat behind him on the horse,
put my arms around his waist, and held onto his saddle horn so I
wouldn't fall off.
"Lady," the attendant said, "that guy was riding bareback..."